May Goals Update
Better late than never.
I’ve been journaling since I was around 11. My first journals were digital. I started on uJournal when I was 11, then LiveJournal and Xanga as an early teen. I started writing in physical journals starting around 16, and filled my first one during the 6 months I was an exchange student in Chile. I wrote the entire thing in Spanish written with Greek letters, because it assured that no one could read my private thoughts. In my journals now, I still use this language on occasion when I write something I don’t want anyone to ever know I felt.
Here is a snippet of a LiveJournal entry from when I had just turned 13, about the gravest of AOL Instant Messenger slights:
that alex kid warned me to 64% on two different s/ns, and ekim thought it would be funny to warn me to 99% and see what happens. he did it ‘cause he was bored’. that pissed me off. i told him he lost his coolness and it was a loser thing to do. HE replied with ‘words don’t hurt, im only vulnerable to emotional attacks’. dumbass. emotional attacks happen through words.
As cringy (and hilarious) as these are to read, I’m always amazed at two things. One, how much I knew about when I was younger. It’s obvious how much growing was yet to come for my thought process, but I still undeniably knew about and articulated more than I would ever assume I did now if I didn’t have the proof. It’s no wonder that TikTok is home to some of the most brilliant satire about how nonsensical adult society can be.
Two, it was the early internet, and social media wasn’t a highlight reel yet. I had zero filter, zero concern that what I wrote would ever come back to haunt my job prospects, or what other people or future me would think of my writing. I unabashedly captured huge, genuine swaths of my inner world. Now, when I skip days in my journal that no one reads, it most usually indicates an untold story of unrest where I just didn’t feel like processing and facing my feelings.
That’s a curious evolution.
This is my only form of digital journaling now, and it’s more like external logging to stay accountable to my goals for the whole year. It now comes up on Google when you search my name, which worried me at first. What if future employers know I only meditated 14 out of 31 days that month?????
As part of my very active, very intentional emotional education about courage, honesty, and not staying silent: this is my ode to an early history of putting myself out there and not backing down from who I am. In some ways, I need to get more in touch with my child self to be a stronger adult.
Here is my May goals update.
Details Tracked
Meditation: 24/31 days (77%)
Exercise: 19/31 (61%) [intense: 12/31 days (39%)]
Writing: 22/31 (71%)
Reading: 26/31 (84% — read 3.5 books)
Projects/learning: 22/31 (71%)
<1 hour phone: 21/31 (68%)
No sugar: 26/31 (84%)
No eating out: 14/31 (45%)
Intermittent fasting: 24/31 (77%)
8 hours of sleep: 24/31 (77%)
# non-partner social gatherings, meetings, or outings: 17
Mood
Just the stats, since the picture has almost all of June in it too.
Content/happy/peaceful: 13/31 (42%)
Enthusiastic/energetic: 8/31 (26%)
Stressed/anxious/overwhelmed: 4/31 (13%)
Tired/lazy/low energy: 4/31 (13%)
Sad/lonely/depressed: 2/31 (6%)
Angry/bitter: 1/31 (3%)
—
Productive: 21/31 (68%)
Failing Better
I’m too far removed from May to celebrate successes and June is almost over, but I’ll be back sooner with a June update.
